And Then There Were Three…

This has been a tough post to write, I think it has taken me a week just to get my feelings under control enough to write it without getting too mawkish.  Apologies in advance if I can’t control myself anyway.

Will at the top of New Zealand showing just how far it is to London

Last Tuesday we put Will on a plane for the U.S., he will stay there until he heads to college in the fall; we will not see him again until the Christmas holidays.  We are all deeply saddened by this.  After pressing full-time plus to finish high school on schedule we had planned to have a few solid months together just to explore, play and cruise without the daily routine of school, tests and responsibilities.  A “Last Summer Break” together before he left us for college and life.

Unfortunately due to the whims and fancies of politicians and international relations this was not to be.  To attend school in the U.K. one must have a special class of student visa, and it is an immutable requirement that to get this visa one must absolutely apply from one’s “Country of Residence.”  In this case it is the U.S., even though we’ve only spent about five weeks there in the last three years.  We are just “visitors” everywhere we go, with Visitor visas and no established residency.  Even if we could do the application from Fiji the rules require that your passport be shipped to the British Consulate in New York for several weeks before they return it – a manifestly BAD idea when you are out of the country.  And if there was a problem we would then no longer have time to get the Visa in time for school.

So on a weeks notice, after exhausting every possibility to waive these rules, we realized we had no choice but to send Will to the U.S. at the end of July instead of seeing him off to school from the boat in mid-September as we’d expected.

I think every parent dreads the moment their kids will move out not long after they pick up that tiny baby in the hospital.  After you instantly fall in love with them it starts to dawn on you that they will leave someday.  It doesn’t loom so large when they are learning to walk, or ride a bike or sail.  You start to feel it more as they grow into young men and women with their own distinct adult-like preferences and interests.  By high school it is on you full force.

Eighteen years is not really quite enough time to accept this.

Given that before we left our general plans were to “get to New Zealand and hopefully Australia before Will leaves for college” his departure has always been in the back of our mind, which is one reason these last three years with him have been so special.  By the time kids turn into teenagers a lot of parents don’t get to see them become adults up close.  This is something I am glad to have experienced.

The separation will be a bit more challenging from the boat than if we lived in the states and he was attending an American school.  With twelve time zones between us he is pretty much literally on the opposite side of the world; when he is getting up for classes in the morning we will be cleaning up after dinner.  We’re going to want to call him in the morning (for us) when he will be studying or at the pub with some of his mates.  Getting “home” for him will be a different chore every time, taking 24 to 48 hours of travel and earning almost enough miles for another ticket to somewhere.  I think Will will have “Medallion” status on AAdvantage before he even registers for classes this fall. But we’ll deal; these are the decisions we have made for what we think is best in our lives – I wouldn’t trade the outcome for anything, and I’ll try my best not to whine too much.

We will miss him a lot – not just because our son and we love his sense of humor and wry commentary and quick wit, or because he’s good company for his sister, or a huge help around the boat, or a good sailor that makes us sail faster.  It’s all those things and a lot more.  But he’s not gone, he’s just growing up which of course as a parent is what you always hope your kids will do well.

I’m going to keep the “Two Adults, Two Teenagers, One Boat” tag line for a bit longer still.  He will always be a part of our crew no matter where he is, and he will come back to visit us on some of his breaks so we will sail together again not too far in the future.